The Perfect Couple...

The Perfect Couple?

I love my husband so much more than words could say and he loves me like crazy too.   Even though we have been married for over 2 years now we can still be sickeningly cutesy with each other. For example we still have arguments about who loves the other person most and he will randomly start giving me a neck massage causing me to just melt in his arms. We have tickle and poking fights, flirting just like when we first started dating. I’m not surprised that a lot of our friends call us “the perfect couple” or some form of that compliment but while I take it as a compliment, it makes my husband very uncomfortable.

I saw that you were perfect and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect and I loved you even more.

I can sort of understand where he is coming from. He doesn’t want people to think of us as perfect because there is no such thing when it comes to a marriage relationship. I guess he thinks us being perfect sets too high a standard for us and for everyone else. It’s the Disney myth that once you’re married you will live happily ever after. Therefore when things don’t go according to plan, people start thinking that ‘he can’t have been “the one” otherwise I’d still be happy.’ That’s when marriages break down.

I don’t think of myself as an expert at marriage by any means. In the grand scheme of things 2 years is a pebble in the pond. I am just writing from my experience and opinions. I don’t know anyone else’s journey and don’t mean to offend or belittle your experiences. But I believe once marriage is entered into, it is a forever promise that I don’t ever intend to break.  It saddens me that so many marriages don’t last the distance any more.  I would love to be able to change the misconceptions around what getting married means.

A Perfect relationship isn't perfect, it's just that both people never gave up.

Breaking the Perfection Misconception.

So I just want to let everyone know out there that we are not perfect. We haven’t got it all together and we don’t have a secret formula of how to live happily ever after. We have our disagreements and do things that annoy the other person. I can only assume as we continue our marriage we’ll have even rougher patches. But I wouldn’t trade our relationship for the world because even through the rough patches at least you are going through it together. In my opinion, that is better than battling it alone. In the end, I believe that the people in your life are the thing you look back on with the most pleasure. Having had someone to witness every part of your life and shared in every decision or achievement would make remembering those times all the more sweet.

I guess I’m saying don’t aim to be perfect together. Instead just be genuine and willing to give it all you’ve got, realising that journeying together through the ups and downs is what unconditional love is.  It is not agreeing on everything and never having any problems.  It is choosing to love in spite of everything telling you otherwise. Instead of setting unrealistic goals of perfection, be real with each other and everyone else. Perhaps then when problems do arise in a marriage people won’t immediately think that the relationship is broken and therefore not worth pursuing or not “meant to be”.

Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. To love somebody isn't just a strong feeling. It is a decision, a judgment and a promise.

The Point is…

I don’t want our supposed “perfection” to cause others to stumble in their relationships. I don’t want people thinking that because they don’t appear to be as happy that somehow their relationship isn’t right. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Only two imperfect people willing to accept each others flaws and work through their differences.

Don’t just take my word for it.  MindBodyGreen makes similar points in a post called “Why There’s No Such Thing as a Perfect Relationship” as does the post “Stop looking for the Perfect Relationship & Start Learning How to Love” on Relationship Rules.  Every relationship is unique and cannot be judged from the outside. No matter how far off course you might feel you have gotten, the forever promise is always worth fighting for. I know that I will continue fighting for mine for the rest of my life. If you want to know about our journey as a couple so far head on over to Our Love Story.

All for now…